補充資料
(本課是2月16日和2月19日的延續。珍的聲音很平靜。)
Now—you see how softly I can speak.
現在——你們看我說話有多輕柔。
(“是的。”)
Again, let me start off in my own fashion.
還是讓我以自己的方式開始吧。
You, personally, have been gravely perturbed because of your job for some time. You tried to shove the discontent aside, hoping that you could continue it to practical beneficial ends. You were to some extent outraging a portion of your being, for whatever reasons.
就你個人而言,你一段時間以來一直因工作而感到嚴重不安。你試圖把這種不滿情緒拋到一邊,希望能夠繼續下去,以達到實際的有益目的。無論出於何種原因,在某種程度上,你對自己存在[being]的一部分感到憤怒。
The basic discontent colored your other attitudes, both toward your environment, your own work, and other people. (Very good.)
這種基本的不滿影響了你對環境、你自己的工作以及對其他人的其他態度。(很好。)
It became—relatively now—a displaced discontent. You felt that there was nothing you could do about the situation, that there was no reason to worry about it, but the anxiety was displaced then, draining your energies.
相對於現在,它變成了一種取代性的不滿。你覺得你對這種情況無能為力,沒有理由為此擔心,但焦慮當時就被轉移了,耗盡了你的精力。
Now, we are speaking comparatively here now, you understand.
現在,我們在這裏說的是相對而言,你明白的。
(“Yes.”)
(“是的。”)
When you begin devoting your time to your painting you will be satisfying then a deep need of your being, and therefore energized. You will feel personally that you are solving problems that you are meant to solve, problems that are nevertheless created challenges having to do with the nature of painting, problems then and challenges that you consider quite worthwhile.
當你開始將時間投入到你的繪畫中時,你會滿足你的存在[being]的深層需求,從而充滿活力。你會切身感受到,你正在解決你本應解決的問題,這些問題是與繪畫本質相關的挑戰,是你認為非常有價值的問題和挑戰。
This will give you a much more optimistic attitude in general. Personalities are as diverse and unique as flowers or fish. There is no need to compare one type of personality with another than there is to compare a toad to a bird, or an ant to an elephant.
總的來說,這會為你提供一個更樂觀的態度。人格就像花朵或魚兒一樣多樣而獨特。沒有必要將一種人格與另一種人格進行比較,這就像將蟾蜍與鳥或螞蟻與大象進行比較一樣。
It does help however if you understand that birds must fly if you are a bird. It does help for example if elephants do not try to build anthills. So there is no need to compare personalities in a judging way, merely to know your own.
然而,如果你明白,如果你是一隻鳥,鳥兒必須飛翔,這確實會有幫助。比如,大象不用嘗試去建造蟻丘,因此,沒有必要以判斷的方式來比較個性,只要了解自己的個性就可以了。
Ruburt’s energies will be released in the same way. I am sure that you appreciated the encounter that took place the other evening, under my auspices. (On February 19.) What was said should show you that Ruburt’s condition also became the focus of your combined discontents, the physical picture of it. The energy to maintain it, almost (underlined) in direct proportion to your combined discontents, was composed of the displaced energy not put into your prime purposes. This is difficult to verbalize precisely—
魯伯的能量也將以同樣的方式釋放出來。我相信你很欣賞那天晚上在我的幫助下發生的相遇(2月19日)。所說的內容應該告訴你,魯伯的狀況也成為你們共同不滿的焦點,成為了它的具體表現。維持它的能量,幾乎(下劃線)與你們的共同不滿成正比,是由沒有用於你們主要目的的被取代的能量組成的。這很難準確地用語言表達——
—built up by unsolved problems. A concentration upon your individual and combined work, your practical plans in that direction, will promote an enthusiasm that you have not felt jointly or individually in years. You will know that you are on the right track.
——建立在未解決的問題之上。專注於你們個人和集體的工作,你們在這個方向上的實際計劃,將激發你們多年來從未共同或單獨感受過的熱情。你們會知道自己走在正確的道路上。
The symptoms therefore will be released as that energy or concentration is placed back where it belongs, into creative and practical action. You felt as if you could not move also, and before Ruburt’s symptoms began. You felt this psychologically; do you follow me?
因此,當能量或專注力回到它所屬的地方,投入到創造性和實際的行動中時,這些症狀就會被釋放。在魯伯的症狀開始之前,你感覺好像你也動彈不得。你在心理上感覺到了這一點;你明白嗎?
(“Yes.”)
(“是的。”)
Your discussion this evening was beneficial and showed a point in progress on both of your parts. Earlier Ruburt would have become alarmed and frightened, felt you were being negative, and discouraged at any verbal and emotional encounter with the feelings that you expressed, precisely because they brought into the open feelings of his. This time however he recognized that earlier he would have brooded and gone to bed, leaving you to brood alone at his ways.
你們今晚的討論很有益,並且表明你們雙方都取得了進展。早些時候,魯伯會變得驚恐和害怕,覺得你在消極地對待他,並對你所表達的情感的任何言語和情感上的接觸感到氣餒,而這正是因為這些情感將他的情感公之於眾。然而,這次他意識到,早些時候他會悶悶不樂地上床睡覺,讓你一個人對他的做法耿耿於懷。
The ordinary fears connected with any such discussion should be discussed. Only in this way are they faced, encountered and cast aside. They do not grow then in secrecy, and gather charges.
應該討論與任何此類討論有關的普通恐懼。只有這樣,它們才能被正視、遭遇和拋棄。那麽,它們才不會在秘密中滋長,也不會聚集成罪名。
Do you want a rest?
你們想休息嗎?
(10:04. “No, I’m okay for the moment.”)
(10:04。“不,我暫時沒事。”)
The change of environment has been and is good for both of you in ways you may not presently comprehend. A few you glimpse. It is obviously good for you to look at the world simply from a different viewpoint. It is particularly good that you see the situation here in Florida, on the spot, so that you feel free in making choices—a real Florida, not a fantasized one.
環境的改變對你們倆都有好處,你們現在可能還無法理解。你們瞥見了一些。換個角度看世界,對你們來說顯然是件好事。特別是你能看到佛羅裏達州的現狀,這樣你們就可以自由地做出選擇——一個真正的佛羅里達,而不是一個幻想的佛羅里達。
Your journey will also allow you to perceive your Elmira (New York) environment when you return in a fresher light, and your circumstances there.
你們的旅程還將讓你們在返回埃爾邁拉(紐約)時,以更清新的視角感知那裏的環境,以及你們在那裏的處境。
A point, if you do not want a break now: Concentration must not be on Ruburt’s symptoms. Underline many times.
還有一句話,如果你現在不想休息的話: 注意力一定不能集中在魯柏的症狀上。 多次下劃線。
A point now that I want you to heed in advance: In the past, because of joint negative attitudes, I have given the reasons for some of these. Improvements in Ruburt’s condition were ignored (underlined) largely by both of you, and instead concentration was upon the symptoms that still remained.
現在有一點我希望你們事先注意:過去,由於你們共同的消極態度,我已經給出了其中一些原因。魯伯病情的改善在很大程度上被你們倆忽略了(下劃線),而把注意力集中在了仍然存在的症狀上。
After the first bad bouts for example, when he improved enough to go up and down stairs without even limping, when he was agile enough at least to climb some rocks at the Glen (Enfield, near Ithaca, NY), to swim after being largely incapacitated, you both acted as if the improvements meant nothing, discounted them largely, and concentrated upon those symptoms that did indeed still remain.
比如說,在第一次嚴重發作之後,當他的病情有所好轉,甚至可以一瘸一拐地上下樓梯時,當他至少可以敏捷地爬上 Glen(紐約州伊薩卡附近的恩菲爾德)的一些巖石時,當他在基本喪失能力之後可以遊泳時,你們卻都表現得好像這些好轉毫無意義,而大大地忽視它們,而把注意力集中在那些確實仍然存在的症狀上。
I am not saying that he was completely better then, but the improvements far outweighed the symptoms at that time. Do not let that happen again. That was the result of discounting improvements as they did show themselves, and this applies to both of you.
我並不是說他當時就完全好轉了,但改善的程度遠遠超過了當時的症狀。不要讓這種情況再次發生。這是在病情有所好轉時卻對其大打折扣的結果,這適用於你們兩個人。
Now I will give you a break, and continue.
現在我讓你休息,然後繼續。
(10:13~10:15.)
Now—tell him what I said later.
現在——告訴他我後來說的話。
(“Okay.”)
(“好的。”)
You chose to do what you did, individually and jointly. In narrow terms you can say that you both made a mistake. In larger terms no error was made. You simply happen to be dealing with the area of activity in which terms like “mistake” appears valid. Do you follow me?
你們選擇了自己的行為,無論是單獨還是共同。從狹義上講,你們倆都犯了一個錯誤。從大的方面說,沒有犯錯。你們只是碰巧涉及到了 “錯誤 “這樣的用語可以成立的活動領域。你明白我的意思嗎?
(“Yes.”)
(“是的。”)
Practically speaking, while you had any kind of a job you were ill at ease and off balance. You compared your lot with that of others who had jobs also. There was only a difference in degree.
實際上,當你從事任何工作時,你會感到不安和失去平衡。你把自己的命運與其他同樣有工作的人相比。只是程度不同而已。
Your own attitude was partially set by your father’s innate and quite strong sense of independence. He hated to work for anyone else. The same applies to Ruburt’s background, mainly with his grandfather. You would have felt freer had you tried to freelance; for freelancing, while it would have produced long range its own problems would have allowed you a greater sense of freedom.
你自己的態度,部分是由你父親天生而強烈的獨立感而來。他討厭為別人工作。這同樣適用於魯伯的背景,主要是他的祖父。如果你嘗試自由職業你會感覺更自由;對於自由職業者來說,雖然它會產生長遠影響,但它自己的問題會讓你有更大的自由感。
Here you were influenced, where Ruburt was not, toward a job because of ideas of security that came from your mother, and, despite your conscious evaluations, from the activities of your brothers. Your having a job made sense to you therefore for these reasons, more so than it did to Ruburt, who had no such countering influences. Now give me a moment.
在這裏,你受到了影響,而魯伯沒有,你之所以想找一份工作,是因為你的母親給了你安全感,而且,儘管你有意識地進行了評估,你還是受到了你兄弟的活動的影響。因此,出於這些原因,你的工作對你來說是有意義的,而對魯伯來說則是沒有意義的。現在請等一下。
The entire environment concerning your brothers’ homes, and the implications, always upset Ruburt, for he sensed that influence.
有關你們兄弟家的整個環境和影響,總是讓魯伯感到不安,因為他感覺到了這種影響。
I want you to anticipate then that uprush of energy you will most certainly feel. The problems that beset you were so aggravating precisely because in a sense they were not your natural set of problems. You always have the energy and the means to meet the deepest needs of your own personality, but not to meet the needs of other kinds of personalities.
我希望你們能預料到,你們那時一定會感受到的精力充沛。困擾你們的問題之所以如此令人惱火,正是因為從某種意義上來說,它們並不是你們天生就會遇到的問題。你總是有足夠的精力和方法來滿足你的自己人格最深層的需要,但不能滿足其他類型人格的需要。
(Very good.)
(很好。)
現在。我會告訴你們一些別的事情。你覺得你幸虧有母親嘗試的一種安全財務安排,只要你個人能夠這樣做。你意識到全職工作不可能。請記住,至少你沒有落入那個陷阱,而你都有足夠邏輯領悟來避免它。
你年輕時所從事的商業藝術類型(下劃線)不是答案,而是用作很多用途。它為你提供了聲望和金錢,為你提供了練習,但超出了你追求它的程度,它可能會凍結你的才能。與你母親的希望息息相關的聲望和金錢,可能會引導你進入其他商業藝術渠道,就美術而言,這會讓你完全誤入歧途。
對你來說,一份兼職工作有助於彌補情況。你害怕將自己完全置身於對它們來說陌生的領域,從而失去在家人眼中的地位。你也覺得這會讓你在媽媽眼裏和你爸爸一樣。她,你母親,與主流同行。你父親沒有。你不想傷害她的情感,尤其是一開始。你母親確實認為魯伯是一種威脅,因為她立刻意識到魯伯不會鼓勵她自己所尊重的傾向。
我告訴你所有這些,是因為它應該有助於澄清你行為的一些原因。除了魯伯的“自然傾向於”(加引號)不喜歡家庭特徵之外,還有“局外人”的理由,而你經常被置於中間。
你的家人對魯伯就是試圖讓他遵守規則的社會之一,因此他經常做出誇張反應。如你所知,出於這些原因,魯伯會自發地向你的家人表明你的立場,作為對整個世界的象徵性聲明。
你在這方面所做的事情並不像理解你的態度那麽重要。因此,基本“問題”(引號)在過去再次惡化消失在地下。這顯然是從你的基本創造天性中誕生——而是與各種社會、經濟和家庭內涵交織在一起的挑戰而不是問題。
最後,你的生活方式不再是你曾經是什麽的象徵,就像有一段時間那樣,而是更多地象徵著你不想成為什麽樣的人共同在一起。
還有,魯伯沒有那些對他起作用的影響,這些影響對你起作用以延長這種情況。一旦你接受了全職工作,危險信號就很明顯出現在你身上。它們變得難以忍受,你會加快完成。然而,兼職課程滿足了一些其他說到的附屬需求,所以你覺得這更容易忍受。
魯伯當然也知道這一點,因為那天晚上他知道你的卷發朋友(在颶風酒吧,逗樂地),他的反應很激烈,尤其是反對你的父母。在他母親感覺到的情況下,特別是在你母親的感覺下,以及他所有其他反情緒的情況下,支持一開始是最大的憤怒這是他在周日訪問中採取行動的另一個原因。希望這能幫助你們雙方理解。
你可以休息,否則我會繼續。
(“我們休息。”
(10:51。珍的恍惚狀態很深,她的步伐很快。11:01。)
現在我們將很快結束。然而,我想提醒你,我費了很大的氣力為你提供一些重要的原因,為什麽你都有一種傾向,一種強烈傾向於壓制的傾向。為什麽魯伯從壓制不愉快的理念開始而你為什麽一開始是從壓制充滿希望的理念開始的原因。
(“是的。我知道。”該資料在家裏,當我們到達那裏時將進行審查。)
現在。如果你理解了原因,並按照我的建議去做,那麽你將參與真正的問題,而不是從根本上來說(下劃線)的表面問題——比如為什麽魯伯很難走下去。
(“是的。”這是我今晚說到的一個問題。)
那只是內在困難的另一個象徵。不要專注於此。
(“我不認為我們現在是。”)
部分困難在於它在這一點上已成為魯伯殘疾的象徵。在家裏,樓梯是象徵。魯伯工作一天後期待立竿見影的效果。現在已經有了結果。當你開始制定自己的工作計劃並開始工作時,這也會產生結果。記得那次相遇(2月19日)——那是與你們兩人格的一部分,而不僅僅是魯伯。
我建議你畫一些素描。現在。隨著你的進步,我們的課程也可以騰出時間進行其他工作。隨著你能量的自然流動回歸到你的工作中,更多的能量也會在課程中釋放出來。到目前為止,你生活中應用於埃爾邁拉存在的部分課程,將在另一個時間進行介紹。你看,顯然有聯系。現在——我祝你們晚安。
(“晚上好,賽斯。非常感謝。晚安。”)
我可以變得更強大,但我不想嚇唬當地人。
在下一節課程上請提醒我談一談適用於你日常生活的自發性和日程安排。換句話說,魯伯不喜歡從外部應用的安排。你也沒有。