補充資料
(私人課) 創造性的自己說 1972年2月19日
All right (Jane said), call me the creator, this part of me that’s talking. We’re using it to designate what I am. I’m composed of your strong drives for creativity. My purpose is to protect and direct your energies specifically in the areas of writing and painting. I’ll state what I think simply. I want this dialogue because my purposes were not being met. My efforts have obviously worked against themselves.
好吧（珍說），那就叫我創造者吧，正在說話的我的這個部分。我們正在用說話來指定我是什麽。我是由你們強大的創造驅動力組成。我的目的是保護並引導你們特別是在寫作和繪畫領域的能量。我將簡單陳述我想到的事情。我想要進行這次對話，因為我的目的沒有得到滿足。我的努力顯然違背了目的。
Strong moral ideas welded what I am together—welded the creative drives like glue. Part of me was born in Ruburt’s childhood. This part was strengthened by your own ideas of work and creativity. You became the policeman. I relied on you to see that Ruburt’s creativity was channeled and used, protected, but most of all not frittered away.
強烈的道德理念將我現在的樣子焊接在了一起——像膠水一樣將創造驅動力焊接在一起。部分的我出生於魯伯的童年。這個部分曾通過你自己的工作和創造理念得到加強。你曾變成監管者。我曾依靠你看到魯伯的創造被引導、被利用並被保護，但最重要的是沒有被浪費掉。
Many aspects of your joint ideas gravitated toward me. Other areas of living were all molded together so that unity would result. You would have, for example, no desires that would be basically in opposition to the creative one.
你們共同理念的許多方面都被我吸引。其他生活領域都被塑造在了一起，這樣就會產生統一的結果。比如，你們不會從根本上有與創造相對立的欲望。
Your creative drives became a part of what I am, so that what I am includes the strength of both of your creative drives. I believe that you both must write and paint a reasonable amount of time daily. (Pause.) I was always against any jobs that would divert you as long as you were not in dire need, in which case I was willing to suspend my judgment.
你的創造性驅動力成為了我的一部分，所以我也是你們兩創造驅動力的一部分。我相信你們倆每天都必須有合理的時間去寫作和繪畫。（停頓。）只要你們不急需，我總是反對任何能讓你們分心的工作，在這種情況下我願意暫停我的判斷。
You began to change your ideas. I expected them to be unswerving. When it seemed you would not police the two of you with the intense fervor necessary, I began to do so, and took upon myself all those attitudes that had been yours. It was easy. Ruburt is literal-minded in many ways. He looked up to you. The constant suggestions took root, and I used this for my purposes.
你們已經開始改變理念。我原以為你們對它們堅定不移。當你們似乎不會以必要的強烈熱情來監管你們兩個時，我開始這樣做，並接受你們所有這些態度。這很容易。魯伯在很多方面都很死腦筋。他仰望著你。你不斷的建議會紮下根去，我也把此用於我的目的。
I am literal-minded, in that I believe you are meant to be creators, and I have done all in my power to see that you did not swerve. I considered your position dangerous, more so as time passed. My methods however obviously are not working now, so it becomes necessary that I communicate with you.
我也很死腦筋，因為我相信你們註定要成為創造者，我已盡我所能確保你們不會轉向。我認為你們的位置很危險，並隨著時間的推移更是如此。然而，我的方法現在顯然不起作用，所以我有必要與你們溝通。
There was difficulty with the books. My drive was being met, and yet the money was being used to support a status quo that I could condone only for the first several years in Elmira.
出書過程有難題。我的動力得到了滿足，但這筆錢卻正在被用來維持現狀，我只能在埃爾邁拉的頭幾年裏容忍這種現狀*。
*譯者註：從1971年9月完成《靈魂永生》直到1972年4月第709節《個人實相的本質》之前，這半年時間的課程內容就是這裏的《私人課》第2冊的前半部分。這裏是在進行階段性總結。他們倆失去了目標。“得到滿足”四個字很有意義。
I do not want you to go hungry, or to be unhappy. I do not want you to be in want, but outside of that nothing else concerns me but your work.
我不想讓你們挨餓或者不開心。我不希望你們一貧如洗，但除此之外，除了你們的工作，其他事情都與我沒有關係。
You two more or less made me a promise that Ruburt would begin working sensibly on his book again (after last session), and instead you took a trip. I consider this a betrayal—a small one, but quite indicative of your behaviors.
你們兩個或多或少地向我保證，魯伯將再次開始寫他的書（在上節課程之後），但你們卻去旅行了。 我認為這是一種背叛——雖然很小，但很能說明你的行為。
My methods have not brought about what I wanted, however. Now you spend half of your time trying to figure them out, and what is wrong with Ruburt—time that you should be working. I do not care if both of you die poor, but I do demand that you live using your abilities.
然而，我的方法並沒有帶來我想要的結果。現在你花了一半的時間試圖把弄清楚它們，以及魯伯關於你應該工作的時間錯在哪裏。我不在乎你們兩個是否會貧窮的死去，但我確實需要你們利用你們自己的才能活下去。
That purpose unites you, and when you are not tuned to it completely you are unhappy or sick, one or the other. I am protective because I know that this is so. It is the purpose that gives everything else in your lives meaning. Because I am attached to Ruburt now, his ideas of course color many of mine, so his fear of the passing years developed upon your fear of them ten years ago, projected now into your future, as ten years older than he. So to me you have no right to have a job.
這個目的將你們團結在一起，當你們沒有完全適應它時，你就會不快樂或生病，非此即彼。我在進行保護，因為我知道事實就是如此。正是這個目的賦予了你生活中其他一切的意義。因為我現在依附於魯伯，他的理念當然影響了我的許多理念，所以他對過去歲月的恐懼是在你十年前對它們的恐懼的基礎上發展起來，現在它們投射到你們的未來，因為你比他大十歲。所以對我來說，你沒有權利找工作。
I understand you have left, but I expected a full concentration on your work and plans. Unfortunately there were side effects from my methods, that make Ruburt’s condition an impediment to the very plans I want.
我知道你們已經離開工作，但我希望你能完全專注於你的工作和計劃。不幸的是，我的方法有副作用，這使得魯伯的病阻礙了我想要的計劃。
(Pause at 9:40.) These themselves led you to concentrate on his condition here. On his own, in other words, he picked up negative habits, apparently as a side effect of my methods.
（9:40暫停。）這些事情本身就讓你把注意力集中在他這裡的狀況上。換句話說，他自己養成了消極習慣，這顯然是我方法的副作用。
I considered the trip a scandal today. The vacation itself an excellent idea if half of it were devoted to work. I go along with the psychic development, as long as it adds to your work and influences it. I am suspicious of it if it prevents you from painting, because of notes, but this does not bother me when you are painting also.
我認為今天的旅行是一樁醜事。如果假期的一半時間都用來工作，那麽假期本身就是一個很好的主意。只要能給你的工作帶來幫助和影響，我就會支持你的靈性發展，如果因為筆記而耽誤了你的繪畫，我就會懷疑，但如果你也在繪畫，我就不會擔心了。
My demands, to me, are simple and reasonable. More than that, I see no others worthwhile. All you have to do to please me is work a reasonable amount of hours daily; then I do not care what you do, but I expect that purpose to govern and direct your lives to be the focus about which all other events happen, not a sideline.
對我來說，我的要求簡單而合理。除此之外，我認為沒有其他值得一提的要求。你們為了取悅我所要做的，就是每天有合理的工作時間；然後，我不在乎你們做什麽，但我希望你們的生活能以這個目的為指導，成為所有其他事件發生的焦點，而不是旁枝末節。
I abhor hobbyists. All of what I am has been, and is, to keep you from falling off the fine line of concentrated, intensely concentrated, creative endeavor (pause), that is the purpose that drives you both.
我對業餘愛好者深惡痛絕。我所做的一切，過去和現在，都是為了防止你們從專注、高度專注的創造性努力的細線上掉下來（停頓），這就是驅動你們倆的目的。
I accept no substitutes, and in that respect I am like a jealous God. I am also somewhat like a computer gone amuck, however, if my methods do not meet my ends. I want the main energizing portion of you directed into your work, both of you. Now they have been directed toward Ruburt’s condition. The condition will vanish automatically if these ends are met. They are side effects.
我不接受任何替代品，我在這方面就像一個嫉妒的上帝。然而，如果我的方法不能達到我的目的，我希望把你們倆，把精力充沛的主要部分都投入到你們的工作中。現在，它們已經被引導到魯伯的病情上了。如果最終滿足這些目的，病情就會自動消失。它們只是副作用。
You said once that you would like to live on a mountaintop, and never go out, and just work and have no distractions. Ruburt was carrying this out in his own way.
你們曾經說過，你們想住在山頂，永遠不出門，只管工作，心無旁騖。魯伯正在以他自己的方式進行這件事*。
*譯者註：三年後，1975年3月搬到山頂房。
If you work on your own, both of you, then I do not need to police you. You are free to play and wander when your work is done. I tried to have him sit and write books, chained to his chair, don’t you see. The purpose twofold: to see that he worked creatively himself, and could not have a job, and to have money so that you could paint full time.
如果你們兩個都有自己的工作，那我就沒必要管你們。工作完成後，你們可以自由玩耍和閒逛。我曾試圖讓他坐在椅子上寫書，用鐵鏈把他拴在椅子上，你不明白嗎？這樣做有兩個目的：一是讓他自己創造性地工作，不必去找一份工作；二是讓他有錢，這樣你就可以全職畫畫了。
The more the books were written, the less willing it seemed you were to do what I wanted. The struggle made it difficult even to create for a time. I was caught between using my energies to help Ruburt create, and trying to get money through the creativity for you to quit. This itself hampered the creative drive, hence the dream book difficulty.
寫得書越多，你們似乎就越不願意按我的意願行事。這種掙紮讓我一度連創作都變得困難。我既要把精力用在幫助魯伯創作上，又要想方設法通過創作賺錢，讓你辭職。這本身就阻礙了創造性驅動力，因此導致夢想之書很難。
You would not quit anyway, so I created a book that would not sell. This did not seem to help. Ruburt became anxious. I released the creativity full force then in the beginning of Adventures and the new (Sumari) development.
反正你們也不會退出，所以我創作了一本賣不出去的書*。這似乎無濟於事。魯伯變得焦慮不安。在冒險的開始和新的（蘇馬利）開發中，我釋放了全部的創造力。
*譯者註：《靈魂永生》，這是一本最有價值的書。
You finally began to realize that I wanted you to leave the job (long pause at 9:55), but the negative attitudes that had built up attached themselves to the new projects—something I did not foresee. My power is the strength of both of your drives. (Pause for a cigarette.) I am a part of you, then, the part that always hated your job, and can scarce[ly] forgive you for keeping it so long. I understand it was necessary for a time, but all thoughts of security beyond the daily necessities mean little to me. I want you secure enough to work in peace. Outside of that I have no interest.
你們終於開始意識到，我希望你們辭掉工作（9:55,長時間停頓），但已經建立起來的消極態度卻附著在了新計劃上——這是我沒有預料到的事情。我的能量就是你們倆的驅動力量。（停下來抽根煙。）那麽，我就是你們的一部分，那個總是討厭你們的工作的那一部分，我很難原諒你們做了這麽久的工作。我知道這在一段時間內是必要的。但除了日常必需品之外，所有關於安全的想法對我來說都是微不足道的。我希望你能安心工作。除此之外，我沒有任何興趣。
(10:00.) I see the spontaneity of your sketches, so good, many of them done at the job, kicking your heels up at the job——the spontaneity in direct opposition to the work demanded of you there.
（10:00。）我看到了你素描的自發性，非常好，許多自發性是在工作中完成，其中許多是在工作中完成的，在工作中踢你的腳跟——這種自發性與那裏要求你完成的工作直接對立。
To me, my demands are simple. I rage when neither of you work as you should. Show me you do not need a policeman, that if I let go you will not slide away from your goals. I am a taskmaster. That is my role. I am reasonable, however. I am willing now to negotiate. In negotiating with me you negotiate with yourselves. I do not accept compromises. I do accept solid work and firm intent.
對我來說，我的要求很簡單。如果你們都不盡職盡責，我就會大發雷霆。告訴我你們不需要警察，如果我放手，你們也不會偏離目標。我是一個任務負責人。這就是我的角色。不過，我是講道理的。我現在願意談判。在與我談判時，你們是在與自己談判。我不接受妥協。我接受紮實的工作和堅定的意向。
I have not compromised. You have. Now I state my purposes and conditions plainly. Seth thought you would find this direct statement even more informative than his indirect description of it.
我沒有妥協過。你們有。現在，我在清楚地陳述我的目的和條件。賽斯認為，你們會發現這種直接的陳述比他對它的間接描述更有說服力。
I need your cooperation now, since the methods that I chose have fallen so poorly. Apparently I must allow you more freedom, but you must use the freedom to do what I want you to do.
我現在需要你的合作，因為我選擇的方法太糟糕。顯然，我必須允許你們有更多的自由，但你們必須利用自由去做我希望你們做的事情。
I am tired. I have done my best. I do need your understanding and cooperation now. I have worked long and hard for you; though it seems that I have been a tyrant, I have always tried to be the servant of your own abilities.
我累了。我已經盡力了。我現在確實需要你們的理解和合作。我為你們付出了漫長而艱辛的努力；雖然我看起來是一個暴君，但我一直努力成為你們自己才能的僕人。
I am dismayed. I did not think Ruburt would work unless he was chained to his chair, so I chained him, both to do his own work and force you to do yours. Then you both fought me. He did not like working chained, and I tried to make the chains appear as natural as I could. He is not physically harmed to any great degree (one of the questions I wanted discussed tonight, although I never mentioned it to Jane), or maimed. I can say however that for some time I did not care if he was, if these purposes were met. I see now that they would not be, that instead all your time would be spent concentrating upon the condition that was meant as a protection, until no work was done—hence my dismay. I was not appreciated, though I did my best for you.
我很沮喪。除非把魯伯綁在椅子上，否則我不認為他會工作，所以我把他拴起來，既要他做自己的工作又要強迫你做你的工作。然後你們倆就與我吵起來了。他不喜歡被拴在那裏工作，我就盡量讓鎖鏈看起來自然些。他的身體並沒有受到很大程度的傷害（這也是我今晚想討論的問題之一，雖然我從未向珍提起），也沒有受傷。不過，我可以說，如果這些目的得到滿足，我有一段時間不在乎他是否在工作。我現在明白，不會。相反，你把所有時間都花在本應作為保護的條件上，直到你任何作品都沒有完成——因此我感到沮喪。儘管我為你們盡了最大的努力，但我沒有得到讚賞。
I suppose you will have to be on your own now. I have done all I can (crying) and have….
我想你們現在只能靠你們自己了。我已經盡我所能（哭了）並已經……。